writing problems

Writing… the Torture and the Delight

When I was in my teens, and I wanted to be an author I imagined my life would be blessed and I would be able to buy a cabin in the woods to write my master pieces. I would spend my days drinking coffee, and hunched over a typewriter (yes I’m that old). I believed the words would flow from me like a gushing river in the spring. I would pop out several books a year, and my adoring fans would be breathlessly awaiting my next amazing piece of work.

The reality??? I spent years writing what was selling at the time, and I slogged through stories that were awful and poorly written.  During this time I never finished a story. Never connected with my characters and fantasy I had about being a best selling author with droves a fans died a painful and gruesome death. So in reality I stopped writing for a long time, I thought if I couldn’t write what was out in the market then I would never be a success. If I couldn’t strike it big then I should just give up. (BTW, I was trying to write historical romance, and sci-fi/fantasy novels)

But there was always this niggling feeling deep in my soul that said write…write…write. You have a story to tell. But I didn’t know what that story was. Then like when I was a teen and was first bitten by the author bug. I read a book that was the exact genre I was trying to write, a fantasy love story. Halfway to the Grave by: Jeaniene Frost I devoured this book serious like my life depended on it. When I was done reading all the current books at the time I had this idea pop in my head. I sat down at my laptop and I started to write. And within six weeks I had finished my first book. Now this first book I finished was a vampire story. And if you have read anything from me you know I don’t write vampire novels. So not sure if this book will ever see the light of day. But being able to sit down and write a book, and ENTIRE book I learned where my passion was I realized I could write a novel.

I wish I could say that was the end, after that first book was finished I sat down and wrote Shadow Play, my first published book. And once I finished that book I started to shop it out to publishers. And I got a couple that were interested, but what I go the most of was a hole lot of rejection. I was devastated, I had finally found my voice but nobody wanted to publish my book.

So I self published, I would like to say it was the best decision of my life. But self publishing is hard, not saying it is harder than traditional, but I have no way to judge that. Anyway, I self published my book and just about put in my two notice at my day job. Because I had published a book, all the accolades and fans were going to fall at my feet. I was going to be the next J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyers, I was going to be the next Jeaniene Frost. I knew people were unknowing lining up just to read my book. The reality is so much worse, not only did people not line up in droves but I didn’t ever sell enough books to justify the amount I spent to publish it.

But I loved my story, and I continued to write. I continued to slog through the pages and pages in order to put out something someone would enjoy. That’s what writers do, they write, and write, and write in the hopes of touching someone with there story.

So have the accolades poured in? No. Am I making millions? No. Have I hit the best seller lists? No. And I am currently writing my 5th book, so why do I continue to write? Because I can’t stop, because the there are still stories in my head and imagination that I need to complete. And in the process I have figured out a few things: writing isn’t easy but it’s totally worth it, success is measured in different ways (I don’t have to be a best seller), marketing sucks but its a necessary evil, staying true to myself and my stories mean more than anything, reviews of my books can be harsh but letting those reviews stop only makes me a failure, the torture is worth the delight in seeing my books published.

I don’t know what the future holds for me in my writing career, but I do know writing is in my blood and if no one every reads another of my books I will know I am following my dream.

So my advice to authors/writers wanna be published authors… never give up. If writing is what you love then never let the world and the torture of it all stop you from being an author. You can do it!

Learning to Love the Chaos

I have lived an unexpected and full life. I am by no means old sitting here writing this in my forties, some days I feel ever day of every year I have lived and other days I don’t quite know where the years have gone.
With all that having been said I have learned one thing… you really need to learn to love the chaos of life. And if you can’t love the chaos you really should learn to tolerate it. Because life is a series of moments of chaos and its how you react to those moments that scripts your present and inks your history.

And I have to admit something, the last year has been a test in loving chaos. So I have learned to  love the chaos or be swept away by it. My writing life has been put on hold by actions and influences outside of my of control. And being a creative individual these setbacks and moments of chaos laid me low, they took me down for the count and made me question everything I was doing as an author and a creative individual. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to publish my next book or any other books for that matter.

That’s what true chaos can do, make you look around and rethink it all. Make you hide under your bed while the tornado of you world tears apart everything around you.

However, at some point you need to climb out from beneath your bed. You can learn from the chaos that threatens to destroy you or wallow in the circumstances of the chaos. That’s the hardest part isn’t it? Learning from the chaos. Now don’t get me wrong sometimes I search for meaning and learning and honestly can’t see it. But eventually the storm will pass and then you need to sit down and take inventory and learn from the chaos.

I desperately hope that all my fans and subscribers can find peace and love in the chaos of life.